I've been listening to jenny lewis pretty much all night and that woman can tell some stories.

I dont know what to expect, and I can't even say "anymore" after that because i never really knew.

I dont know how I really feel about particular people, especially myself.
I think I'm fucked up cuz I only feel satisfied and wanted when he touches me. but if he turns his head or scoots away I automatically feel rejected. But I really shouldn't be giving a fuck. I know what this is. I put up that barrier, and I have not torn it down. It's difficult having this be my situatuion and feeling extremely stupid for even letting it begin. I should have never made a move. And I don't like this because I know he is not even considering or thinking of the reality of our whole situation. Not healthy. Not what I deserve. Not anything I ever considered or crossed my mind. I do not believe in myself as much I did before. And I can't say he took it away, because I allowed it. I could have pushed, but I didn't I became weak. I just gave up. In shock.

I do not know how to thinor behave quite as I want to anymore, or how I just should be. How I am.

I just want to be.

Just soaring through the streets, hoping i dont get too close to any particles.

I just applied for a job at summerfest. woowoo.

had a raw, loose, bangin weekend.
they should just get better.

I have just been ridiculous emotion-wise.
I feel so generic, but profound at the same time.

what the hell.

I am a doofus.

I have no idea how to write a paper. I never really did.
I cant write the essay to get into UW Milwaukee. It's simple, but I cant wrap my mind around it. I dont know how to write what I could easily say.

What the hell.

Today I bought a new (to me) car. it's amazing.
Voltzwagon Passat. heyyy.

We also sold my moms old car.

and I'm sickkkk. sneezy, achey, sniffly.
I hope this nyquil works
I got a job interview at Teavana tomorrow in Mayfair. I feel pretty confident.

Afterwards I'm headed off to Madison.

Saturday- Come home semi-early to go to Ikea, maybe Gurnee Mills.

Sunday-Art Bar for Amber's sisters art show.

I have to finish up my "essays" UW-Milwaukee then I'm done.

Latest Obsession:
Kings of Leon.
I am just enfatuated and obsessed with the lead singers voice.
how is he able to make me feel that way??

11 am friday the 13th,2009.
begins.


and i'm watching this crazy kirstie ally movie.
insane.

mi famila es la mejor.

Madison people are iight.
had many confusing and highs and lows.

dont know what to think, but had a good time.

does anyones watch the tool academy?
hilarious.

Maybe today I might, well more like I have an appointment to meet with, this organization that helps students, or whatever, find jobs.

It sounds so sketchy to me.
but I'll see what happens

I NEED A JOB.
so bad.

Also my brother and I will be switching rooms soon, so I'll have the basement once again. If I ever start to date, I can take 'em down there.

psyche.
that's hoochie.





Aventura so just came on my shuffle computer music player.
ha.

p.s
my mom thinks I'm a "dyke"
what a woman
what a mouth

I woke three times today. Each time feeling like a loser.
But no. I should feel like a winner.
OBAMA.
OBAMA.

We are winners.

thanks.

fell down the stairs and got freaked the fuck out.
i swear it was like I was suffering for hours, when it was seconds.

but I need my body to realize it can handle this shit.
I need to realize this.
one step at a time to full recovery.

stop being a 90 year old cranky woman

I went to bed a 6 pm today
woke up at 9:30 pm
woke up again at 2:33 am
I dont know.
My sleep cycle is so twisted.


I can't wait for December.

Dreading January.

Today I woke up at 6 am, cleaned the whole kitchen, made b-fast (potatoes, eggs, tortillas), ate, then went to go watch TV in Wero's room, fell asleep around 1 pm, woke up at 5:30 pm,
Went on the computer for a little while,then my mom came downstairs and I covinced her we needed too many things (aka food) for her to NOT go outside. and she had to move her car.
So we went to Mi Super Mercado, where I got pomegranate juice, and an actual pomegranate. Also we got the ingredients neede to make pozole.


If you're hungry tomorrow, and like mexican warm yummy soup, come over. We make ours with chicken.

adoowop.

I came home around midnight last night after babysitting, got on the computer, got off the computer around oh, 8:45 am, laid in my bed, phone rang, it was my godmother inviting me to breakfast and to go shop. took a shower, and went to Omega's.
Then we went to Kohls, got some new threads, and so on.
I also got a new pair of boots, form AJ Wright, yeahh!

and, I'm trying to just stay up three more hours to 9, cuz then if I don't I'll just end up waking up at like 2am, and just stay up all night.

fuckin sleep schedule.

I need a job.

I need a daily routine.

today I drew a "self portrait" with crayons.It looked pretty ok. Most of the crayons weren't sharp, but I enjoyed doing it.

I'm actually really anxious to herethe percentage of total votes made in this election overall.


I cleaned my room last night, but today everytime I walk in it smells like someone has been cooking something... something meaty with seasonings and spices and maybe even potatoes. I know. What is that all about?

I just have to organize my closet now.

and ooohhh, it's 6:12 am, and I'm off to bed!
buenas noches.

Today was really swell actually. I did freak out a little in the CT scan, I hate drinking that "juice" and I just make myself all nervous and tense, and blah. I got a little anxious and teary but the nice nurse helped.
I also had some x-rays which went well. I have "nice fluffy new bone" growing so that's nice. All the pain I've been having is regular, and the Dr. said my leg will take about another month to heal fully.
Then I had such a nice general surgery doctor, Dr anderson,a resident, he had UWMadison pins on the lapel of his white coat. He seemed genuinly concerened and interested about me, which was really uplifting, then came in Dr Gonzales...douche. came in barely looked at me, checked my incision, then left. But I do have to give him props, he was pretty funny when I was still on bedrest, and he was prolly just at the end of a 78 hour shift today.
Then I saw Dr Walter in Neuro Psychology. Let him know about some stuff thats been going through my head and about my short term memory loss.

Everything seems to be going well, and I'm glad I went and got everything checked.
When I got in my cuzzos car I realized that I had sat on some air freshener he had and that that was the smell I had been smelling ALL day. It was a nice smell, but just so overpowering.

Psychology would be cool to study...

After all my years of experience I still haven't won at bingo.I think i did when I was 13 or younger, but man, I've had 12+ years of experience!
so serious.

I really want to visit madison this upcoming weekend, I figured out the bus schedule and all but, it'd bee soo cool to NOT have to take the bus. If you're planning on going this weekend and are passing through the milwaukee area, let me know. por favor.

Wednesday I have to go to Marshfield for my appointment, CT scan, x-rays, and three different visits with three different doctors.
crossing my fingers for nothing but positivity, and that even though I have to wake up at 5am, it's with a smile on my face.
I'll prob just stay up till 5....